I was dating an older married man til his wife

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Perhaps the best advice you can give someone about having a relationship with a married man is telling her not to even start. As my friend Jenna* told me, "You can't help who you fall in love with.

The love of your life just might be a married man." Being part of any couple can be challenging and unpredictable, as we all know.

But when the man with whom you're involved is part of another couple, someone else's husband, then the challenge and unpredictability can make your life a messy, unhappy waiting game that you will rarely win.

The woman who is in love with a married man lives a life that, for the most part, is shrouded in secrecy.

Her close circle of friends might know about her affair, but she really cannot let anyone else, such as colleagues or her family, know.

She is alone most of the time and spends it waiting: waiting for her married lover to call, to come meet her, to share some precious time together.

She is not his wife, she is not mother to his children, she is not his parents' daughter-in-law.

Her chance for happiness hinges on a future that is highly uncertain, to say the least.

His family will always come first, and that includes his wife. The beginning of an affair is romantic and naughty at the same time.Simply because he talks in a negative way about his marriage doesn't mean that his obligations to his wife are any less important to him. No matter how much you may want to walk in the sunshine with him and have him openly acknowledge his love for you, it won't happen. Planning to be together becomes a fascinating game and is thrilling to say the least.Whether or not they have children is a moot point; he will always feel as if he has to be a husband to her and take care of the marriage, whether he truly loves her or not. While he is more than willing to be your lover and to bring you gifts, he is not about to have you meet his friends and risk having his family find out about you. No matter how nice a guy he is, you are a temporary diversion for him. Stealing hours from work or home to have sex is exciting, and you may mistake his libido-driven passion for undying love. The game soon becomes a chore for him, and romantic interludes are just one more thing he "has to do." 4. Less than 5 percent of men leave their wives for the woman with whom they are having an affair.Their life together includes friendships and a social network that is shared and comfortable for him. Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is -- or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman.Even Katharine Hepburn knew, and accepted, this fact during her long affair with Spencer Tracy.And don't ever kid yourself on this important point: He is still having sex with his wife, no matter what you may want to believe. Legally, financially and emotionally, you have no claim.

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